What to Do

by Bryan C.
(Chicago )

I have known my girlfriend now friend for 2 years. We have been dating for the last 3 months, and we both live under the Lord's standards. I have a son from a previous relationship. I am 27 and she is 23. We are from Chicago, IL.

When we first began dating dating everything was great, but within the last month things started to feel a little odd when we were together. She recently told me that she is confused of what God wants her to do in life and now does not have peace in her heart about our relationship, but she does not want to lose me and wants to keep me close.

She wants to move out of Chicago in the future and be able to minister to the Native American community , but since i have a son it would be hard for me to relocate because of his relationship with his mother. I do not want lose my girlfriend either. I support her 100% in everything and anything she has her heart set on.

At this moment we are not together; we decided to remain close friends and seek God, building on that.

However, I feel as if I am going to lose her.


What to do? I do not want to lose her. Any advice or has anyone been in a similar situation?

-Bryan


James' Answer: Decisions to Make

Bryan,

If you and your girlfriend really love one another and are committed to starting a life together, then there should be nothing that can keep you apart. No call to work in a different place, no ties to your son's mother would or should get in the way.

However, if one or both of you is not ready/willing to commit to spending the rest of your lives together, then it is a different situation entirely. God is very clear about things like this. If something does not seem right after 2 years of knowing one another and 3 months of dating, then you should pay attention to that. The "world" would say that you need years of dating and getting to know someone to find out whether you are a match. Too many Christian people have adopted this damaging approach to finding a mate. I could write books about finding a Christian mate (and there are some good ones out there) but for now let's concentrate on "what to do."

What you are doing now is the right thing. Remain friends and seek God with all of your heart and strength. Treat her "like a sister" as the scriptures say. Don't worry about losing her. If God has this relationship in store for you, it will happen. If He has something else for you, then don't think of it as a loss. God works all things together for the good of those who love Him.

In short, it's time to focus more on what God wants, and less on what you want. What God wants for us always turns out better in the end than anything else we could have hoped for. Sometimes what God wants does not make sense while we are experiencing it, but looking back it is always "for the good" of us, His children. To find out what God really wants for you, spend a lot of time seeking Him through the Word and through prayer and in edifying relationships with strong men of God. He does not hide from His children... He is always there when we seek Him.

A couple of books that I recommend...

Love Has A Price Tag

Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ's Control

Blessings,

-James