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Some Quick Verbal Communication TipsRemember the verbal communication game "Telephone?"A group of people sits in a circle, and one person starts by whispering a phrase into the person's ear next to her. This message gets passed from one to the next all the way around the circle, until the last person finally says it out loud. You'll hear giggles and laughter as the distorted phrase is compared with the original message! Why is this game a reliable crowd-pleaser? We humans consistently distort messages as they are passed verbally from one person to the next. This is because we suffer from differences in vocabulary, absentmindedness, difficulty in hearing or understanding, and a host of other verbal communication barriers. The TongueThe book of James has quite a bit to say about the tongue. (We're talking about the Apostle James!)He calls the tongue a small rudder that can steer a big ship... ...a little fire that can kindle a huge blaze! He calls the tongue "untamed" and says that "...those who control their tongues can also control themselves in every other way." (James 3:2-3, NLT) Wow! EVERY OTHER WAY! So.. let's get started! Here are a few easy, effective tips that you can put to use today. With a little practice, your verbal communication will shine in a world of "Telephone" - type misunderstanding! "Hear-ye, Hear-ye.." or should I say "Listen Up!"Most problems in verbal communication occur because people are hearing, but not listening.So what is the difference between Hearing and Listening? I hear my obnoxious alarm clock go off, but I don't lie there and listen to it. I hear that recorded voice in the airport say "don't leave your baggage unattended...." But it's just background noise as I'm hustling through security. On the other hand, I listen to my favorite album. I know every key change and most of the lyrics. I listen when the tech support guy is walking me through a minefield of "system error" messages. My favorite definition of listening is: "hearing with intent." Get that? Listening is more than hearing. It is hearing with a purpose. Hearing as if you mean it. Hearing with intent. We hate to admit it, but most verbal mis-communication occurs because someone is not listening. Unless we are completely out of hearing-aid batteries, standing on the opposite ridge of the Grand Canyon or speaking a different language, good listening skills make the difference between verbal communication and plain old noise! So far so good. There is only a problem if we get mixed up on when we should be listening versus merely hearing. Now I could go into a whole discussion about priorities here, but I'll leave everyone to re-think their own.. :) The main thing is to consciously ask yourself: "should I be listening to this person?" If it's your boss, you may not hold your job long if you stop listening and start hearing his voice as background noise. Same goes for your spouse. Or your toddler. Good listening skills are critical to verbal communication. None of us can be completely engaged listeners all the time. That would take way too much caffeine and burn up too much gray matter! Depending on your priorities, you may very well tune out the kids' video game in the next room or the telemarketer who never remembers to take you off his list... We can, however, practice listening actively when it really matters. Coversation ConcentrationIf we send messages to one another through speaking, then listening is decoding those messages.A true listener doesn't just hear the words. He or she tries to understand what the other person means by them, too! That should be easy enough to do during a conversation: most people think at hundreds of words-per-minute. Most conversations flow much slower than that. This should leave plenty of time for hearing, decoding and thinking through your conversation-partner's message. "That's fine" you say, "but why am I still having so much trouble being understood?" It is very likely that one or both of the communicators are not thinking about what the other person is saying at all! In fact, most of us spend the time we should be listening, thinking instead about what we are going to say next. I know this is true. I catch myself doing it all the time! Next time you are having a conversation, be aware of where your thoughts are going. Ask yourself: Am I thinking about what the other person is trying to communicate? If we only think about what we are going to say next, we may miss a valuable message that the other person is sending. Empathic EchoThe empathic echo is one way to ensure that we are hearing, decoding and understanding the other person's verbal communication message accurately.When we are truly empathizing with someone, we understand their feelings. We are entering into their feelings; putting ourselves in their position. (this is different from sympathy, which is sharing the actual feelings of another person) Empathy is a valuable skill to develop in any type of relationship, but the empathic echo is specific to verbal communication. The person you are communicating with knows that you understand their feelings when you can accurately echo what they are saying. What's more, trying to echo their feelings in an empathic way without coming across as annoying or disrespectful forces you to listen well. If what you are echoing does not match up with what they are trying to say, it will give them a chance to clarify their feelings. When you respectfully echo back what you are picking up in your own words, there is MUCH less opportunity for miscommunication! Don't use that tone with me!It may seem terribly obvious to some people, but don't forget to be aware of your tone-of-voice!Sarcasm, disgust, impatience, general annoyance and a host of other negative vibes are easy to convey through the tone of your verbal communication. Even positive statements come across very different with a simple switch of tone. Telling your mother that you love her sounds very different from the same words whispered in the ear of your lover, right? No matter how carefully you choose your words, your tone of voice and facial expression are almost as important (sometimes even more important!) I've seen amazing verbal communication across impossible language barriers because good intent was communicated through the right tone of voice. Bottom line: we need to be aware of how we sound. (Maybe there is a reason our spouse can't hold 20-minute conversation with us!) Next time you are having a conversation, remember the difference between hearing and listening. Try to accurately summarize (echo) what the other person is really saying. Pay attention to your tone of voice and how it makes people feel... Your relationships will thrive, and your verbal communication will begin to shine!
If you would like to learn more, or are interested in some personal, verbal communication coaching, please accept a free consultation from christian-life-coaching.org!
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If you would like to learn more, or are interested in some personal, verbal communication coaching, please accept a free consultation from christian-life-coaching.org!
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