Unsure about fiance

by Tony
(TN)

I got engaged this past January to my girlfriend of six years. It was all great until I found myself getting closer to the wedding date, so I talked to her and we postponed the wedding, eventually deciding not to even set a date yet.

Now I find myself really wondering if she is the one. I know I love her but not sure if I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her.

She has really been my only serious girlfriend and I have been her only boyfriend all through high school. I am just afraid that we may feel that we are right for each other, because that is all we know and we are afraid of the thought of not being together.

I just don't know what to do I am really lost on this I have prayed and prayed but afraid my judgment and ability to reason is clouded due to being afraid of the answer. I really needed someone's opinion on this I am so confused and torn.

I truly love her but I don't know if I am really in love with her. Hope this makes sense...

Thank You
God Bless

-Tony


James' Answer: Love and being "In Love"

Hi Tony,

Many men find themselves in your position when it comes time to say "I Do!" This is not something that is unique to Christian men or non-Christians, either. Committing your life to someone else "'till death do us part" is a serious decision, and one that should not be taken lightly.

This is also a decision that takes a lot of courage. Your manhood and integrity will either shine through or "crash and burn" based on how you handle it.

Committing your life to another person is a lot like committing your life to Christ. It is not something that you do one day and then just walk away and forget about it. It is a daily choice that you will have to make whenever anything comes up and tries to destroy your love.

Satan hates Christian marriages and attacks them fiercely because of the threat that they pose to his evil plans. In your relationship, you will be the spiritual head of your household and responsible for defending your wife and your relationship in many ways. This is not something that we can do with our own strength. Many men - even Christian men - think that they can pull this off on their own; or that being "in love" will somehow absolve them of this responsibility.

Yeah right.

In reality, this requires a strong relationship with your Lord and Savior. God will give you the strength to follow through on your commitment when you are wholly devoted to and completely reliant upon Him.

If you do decide to become married, you will quickly learn the meaning of selflessness, of picking up your cross, and of dying daily to your own desires. Your wife will need to submit to your spiritual authority according to the Bible, but you have the harder task of loving her "...as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it." You will need to be a servant-warrior, worthy of her love. If you marry, you will be taking your wife on the greatest adventure of your lives... filled with more joy, pain, thrills and sorrow than you can imagine.

All this to say that loving someone is a daily decision; not a feeling. If you base your marriage on how you feel about it at any given point, you will soon be divorced like 50% of the population.

I highly recommend the following books and scriptures...

Tender Warrior: God's Intention for a Man

Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul


1 Corinthians 7
Ephesians 5
1 Peter 3
Colossians 3



Blessings brother...

Be a man and make the right decision!

-James