Should I go or should I stay?

by Tumi
(South Africa)

I am a 25 year old female, in a relationship with a guy I always thought that I was meant to be with.

The issue for me is that we slept together outside of marriage.

We went to God and asked for forgiveness. However, I believe that I've lost love for this guy. He's a good person, but I don't know if we have a future together.

I doubt that his vision is the vision i want to support... Should I stick with him or find someone else?

Thanks,

-Tumi

James' Response: Going or Staying with God

Hi Tumi,

Thanks for writing... it sound like you have some choices ahead of you. I cannot tell you what to do... that is a choice you will have to make for yourself. Really, you are the most qualified person to make that choice because you have much more information that I do (or anyone else) and God is faithful to guide you with His Spirit through these things.

I will tell you to continue to pray and ask for God's direction in this.

I know that God will and has forgiven you, and can make you strong and keep you from falling again in the future.

Many people think that love is a feeling that comes and goes, and is necessary for a good relationship. In reality, love is a choice that we make every day. Feelings can be lost, but love is something we choose to do or not to do.

I understand that you may not feel the same way toward this man as you did in the past. Your relationship has gone through some serious strain.

A key that you mentioned was your vision and his vision. For a relationship to work, two people must have a common vision. Where there are two incompatible visions, there is division and the relationship will not last.

Find out what his vision is. A couple needs to be able to communicate at least that well. Decide whether his vision is compatible with yours. Check both of your visions for the future against God's vision for your lives as revealed in scripture.

If you can have honest discussions with him about these things and establish a common vision, there is a good chance that your relationship will work and that the loving feelings will return.

If you are unable to have this conversation with him on your own, then try seeing a pastor or counselor together to help you with the communication and vision-setting.

Blessings,

-James