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Sex in Christian Romantic RelationshipsWhen is a physical relationship okay?When is it okay to have sex in a Christian romantic relationship?If you are feeling convicted about this, it's time to listen to what the Holy Spirit is telling you. You are right in thinking that sex (and any sexually-related act) is inappropriate outside of marriage... the Bible is very clear on that point over and over again.
"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."
(1 Corinthians 6:18-20 ESV) "Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God." (Romans 6:13 KJV) "For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour..." (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 KJV) "But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints..." (Ephesians 5:3 KJV) "...It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. (1 Corinthians 7:1-3 really, read the whole chapter some time) ...and there are many other verses like these. Purity in other areas of life...So if you are feeling guilt about having or imagining a physical relationship with someone who is not your spouse, you can be confident that the Holy Spirit (and not just a collection of dusty traditions) is guiding you in the right direction.If it does not seem as if the laws against adultery, fornication and sexual purity were meant for your good, at least believe the experiences of countless souls who have gone down that path; as a coach and counselor, I see many lives and families torn apart by these sins. All of God's law is meant to protect us from sin, which leads to death and separation from Him. In fulfilling the old law, Jesus Christ did not give us license to sin. Freedom in Christ means freedom from sin and all of its terrible effects, not the freedom to sin as we like. Christ even takes the old laws about sexual purity a step further, in saying that committing the act in our imagination is as serious as the physical sin. Only with daily dependence upon God's grace can we hope to live with this kind of holiness; our will-power alone is no match for the powerful sex drive or Satan's deceitful temptations. The issue of physical purity extends into our clothing choices as well as our actions. As far as the clothing issue goes... the Bible does not specifically say that women should wear skirts or dresses or that men should wear pants. This tradition is usually a reference to Deuteronomy 22:5, which you can look up and research and come to a conclusion about for yourself. Keep in mind that when this was written, men also wore dress-like robes except when they were doing something very active like working in a field or fighting a battle, when they would "gird up their loins" by pulling the robe up and tucking it into their belts, leaving their legs bare. What the Bible does say about clothing in regards to physical purity (in the New Testament) is that women should dress themselves modestly, (and men too, for that matter) in a way that does not call attention to their bodies or cause others to lust after them. This would be causing another person to sin... something that none of us want to be guilty of doing. Modest clothing that is representative of one's gender has looked different over the course of history and often differs from one culture to another. You know when and where you are living and you know God's commands; so dress accordingly! What people should really notice about us: our good works, not our bodies.
"...likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire,
but with what is proper for women who profess godliness - with good works."
(1 Timothy 2:9-10 ESV) "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Words of Christ in Matthew 5:27-28 ESV) "...but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea." (Words of Christ in Matthew 18:6 ESV) Hypocrisy and double standards...Some may say "you are living a double standard; you are sinning in one area, so why not sin in another?"Just remember that none of us is perfect... all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Nothing we can do can make us worthy to enter Heaven. Our lives are a constant striving for "perfection" which is a direction for us, not a destination to attain in this life. We are constantly being sanctified and "made into the image of God." We should seek out and destroy sin in our lives at every opportunity. Why? This is basic Christianity... Sin separates us from God. By growing in holiness we improve our relationships with God and bring Him glory.
As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy,
you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, "You shall be holy, for I am holy."
And if you call on him as Father who judges impartially according to each one's deeds, conduct yourselves
with fear throughout the time of your exile, knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers,
not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot.
(1 Peter 1:14-19 ESV) "...For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." (Words of Christ in Matthew 5:20 ESV) What God really wants for us...All that said, remember that none of us worships God as He truly deserves. This alone is a great sin for which we all need the covering of Christ's blood... His forgiveness which reconciles us to a perfectly holy and just God who cannot stand sin.This is an issue that many Christians struggle with because of a lack of respect for and familiarity with the scriptures. For an excellent discussion of sin, holiness, God's role and our roles in all of this, I recommend that you read the book of Romans, at least up to chapter 10. I hope this is not overwhelming... it's not meant to be condemning or overwhelming. It is meant to be ultimately freeing and liberating, because sin only makes life miserable and complicated and leads to lonely death in the end. The freedom that we have in Christ is not a freedom to act however our bodies desire... it is a freedom from sin! We are now free from our former slavery to sin and are made "slaves unto righteousness" in the words of the Apostle Paul. (See Romans chapter 6) Are we spending time with the right people?Also consider the spiritual standing of the person with whom you are romantically involved. Although you may think that you love this person, we are called not to be "unequally yoked" or married to unbelievers if we can help it.(2 Corinthians 6:14) How do we know whether someone is a Christian? Not by what they tell us, but by their actions. Look for the Fruits of the Spirit versus the "works of the flesh." in every area of the person's life. (See Galatians chapter 5) Also look for genuine, heartfelt repentance for sin and a desire to please and glorify God in every way possible. If someone really loves you, he or she will wait to have you physically until you are married. Remember that you need to surround yourself with people who guide you closer to God, not people who drag you down and tempt you to sin. (See 2 Peter 2:18-19... Ephesians 5:6-11... 1 Corinthians 15:33... 2 Timothy 2:22) |
Many passionate couples pursue Christian pre marriage counseling "...so that Satan will not outsmart us. Because we are very familiar with his evil schemes."
(2 Cor 2:11)
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Many passionate couples pursue Christian pre marriage counseling "...so that Satan will not outsmart us. Because we are very familiar with his evil schemes."
(2 Cor 2:11) |
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