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Helpful Tips from Christian Relationship Coaching

Ideally, Christian relationship coaching is individually tailored to each client's needs and personality. In relationship coaching, however, there are some general principles that apply across the board to most relationship situations.

These helpful tips have been assembled to address a few issues that are common to many people and their relationships:

Third-Person View

This amazing principle applies to a wide variety of personality types!

Problem:

Self absorption.

Introverted or extroverted, quiet or outspoken, energetic or laid-back, it is all too easy to fall into this trap: We are in the relationship "trenches," communicating, relating, making decisions, resolving conflicts, living.

We are so intent on what we're doing, thinking or saying that we forget how we're coming across to other people!

More passive personalities tend to internalize their worries, stew over what the other person is doing and dwell on their own inner feelings. They come across as shy, aloof, conceited or timid.

More aggressive personalities tend to overrun the feelings of others, dominate activities and assert themselves in conversation. They come across as intimidating, insensitive or domineering.

These are just relationship coaching examples... most people fall somewhere in between the two extremes. The one real commonality? Although they look widely different, both are self absorbed.

Solution:

Take a "third-person view" of the relationship!

Detach yourself. Put yourself in the shoes of an outsider and try to understand how you are perceived by others.

A great way to do this is to get feedback from an emotionally uninvolved third party. This may be a life coach, a mentor at church, a co-worker or a trusted supervisor.

Not surprisingly, children give some of the most honest, unbiased feedback of anyone... (This feedback is often unsolicited, of course, and may come at an inopportune moment!)

Who ARE You?

Whether we are playing the "holiness" game at church, the "professional" game at work or the "got-it-all-together" game in front of the in-laws, it’s still a game.

Some people are incredibly good at this game. They fake everyone out for years. But they live in fear. Their true Self dies a little more every day.

No one can hold up the façade forever... sooner or later relationships start to suffer. Relationships that were based on the false self are the first to go. If these are marital or business relationships, the results can be tragic.

Solution:

Get real. Going back to the scripture, we can realize who we are called to be as children of God. Relationship coaching reveals the many roles outlined in scripture, and many powerful principles that we can live by.

Without sounding overly preachy, the Bible is the mirror that we use to discover our true Selves. (Check out James 1:22-25) We may discover that we need a little work, but we’re better off starting sooner than later!

If you are struggling with where to start, relationship coaching can help immensely!

Impressive Humility?

"...the proud heart stirs up strife...."

Problem:

One word: Pride.

Try relating to a proud person. Pride gets in the way!

There are lots and lots of scriptures on pride and the proud heart… here is one that sums them all up well:

"He who is of a proud heart stirs up strife, But he who trusts in the LORD will be prospered." (Prov 28:25, NKJV)

And that was written by one of the wisest men who ever lived.

Solution:

One word: Humility.

Don't misunderstand... humility is NOT "humiliation" or "feeling humiliated."

Humility is a lack of false pride.

Sometimes it takes an act of God to humble us... but if we can get rid of our false pride willingly, it is much less painful!

Our relationships thrive when we have humility... people can relate to our authentic Selves much better than our false, prideful selves. Relationship coaching provides a safe, supportive environment for getting rid of the false pride that is holding us back, and practicing healthy humility.

"Serve each other in humility, for God sets himself against the proud, but he shows favor to the humble." (1 Peter 5:5, NLT)

Have Some Respect!

(for yourself)

Problem:

It is easy to see that a lack of respect is the root of many relationship problems. If someone does not feel respected, they have a hard time showing respect. Without mutual respect, there is no relationship (or it is very lopsided and hurtful to someone).

Clear enough.

Relationship coaching reveals one thing that often gets lost in the shuffle: self respect.

When we let others define who we are... When we allow their opinions of us to matter too much... When we let them take advantage of us intellectually, emotionally or physically...

We are not having self respect!

(Please note: when people take advantage of us through force, it is not our fault.)

Solution:

I ask many of my clients this question: "Are you a Christian?"

If so, don't forget who you are: Child of God. Redeemed by Christ's precious blood. He called you. Chose you. Pulled you from a life of darkness and made you heir to a great inheritance.

...Now I am starting to sound like a preacher again... But the truth in who we really are brings confidence. This confidence brings self respect. Self respect will bring success in our relationships.

We need to respect our emotions, as heirs of the King... respect our bodies, as the temple of the Holy Spirit... respect our minds as renewed, transformed creatures.

If we do, we will avoid many relationship pit-falls!

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If you'd like to learn more, or think that supportive relationship coaching may be right for you, please don't hesitate to take advantage of a Free Coaching Consultation!