Physical Uncertainty

by Anonymous
(USA)

I am dating a man whom I really like. The problem is, he has begun to touch me in places which I am not sure are okay. More specifically, my breasts.

He says he won't go any further than that. I always try to stop him but I become submissive and give in.

I am not sure if that is wrong or inappropriate.

I guess if I have to ask it the question then it must be wrong.

I've tried to tell him that that is inappropriate but he keeps saying that we won't go beyond that point.

Please help.

James' Reply: Your Body, a Temple

Let me first make something VERY clear:

If you have asked someone not to touch you (or even hinted, suggested, or implied this in any way) and they have not honored your request, then they could be charged with sexual assault (rape).

That is why his actions and attitude do not feel right to you.

It does not matter what he says about "not going any farther" ... just touching someone in such a place without their consent is considered assault.

Most counselors would tell you that your body is yours to deal with as you will, and no one has the right to touch you in any way without your consent.

They are right on, but I will take that statement a step further...

As Christians, our bodies are not really our own. They belong to God... He has given them to us, and we are to take good care of them and use them for His good purposes, right?

Take a look at this scripture:


"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

This scripture was written by the Apostle Paul, just after a warning against fornication (Sex outside of marriage). But the principle applies in your case perfectly.

Your body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit. Do you know what a temple is? It's a holy house of worship that is specially built as a god's living quarters. In this case, the god is the One True Living God who created us!

He (Holy Spirit) wants to live inside of you. He says that you belong to Him... that you were "bought with a price." That price was Jesus' blood shed to save you. You (and I) belong to God. And, He wants you to treat His house very well.

We are told in this scripture to "honor God with your body." This includes saving ourselves sexually for our spouses, and making good choices about how we let others handle our bodies.

Please realize that being forced to do something sexual is never your fault... it is always the complete fault of the person doing the forcing.

Knowing that, keep yourself out of any dating/social situations where you do not feel safe. If someone is doing anything to your body that you did not give them permission to do or starts making you uncomfortable in any way, tell them to stop.

If they do not stop or try to convince you that it is okay, you need to get to a safe place, get help, and contact the appropriate authorities.

If someone is not respecting your body (the Temple of the Holy Spirit) it's probably best to avoid being alone with them or ever seeing them again.