My heart

by Janeth
(Laredo, TX)

I met the most wonderful guy in church... and after some months he asked me to be his girlfriend. 2 years later he broke up with me. I was devastated. I fell into a depression for months.

During that time we were still talking but fighting a lot. But we still love each other... or at least that's what I thought.

In time I got very bad and I got into his email, and I discovered he was having a "relationship" with my former best friend... the one who tried to separate us for a long time. I was shocked... I couldn't believe it. Then i started to get my life back in order, slowly.

We go to the same school now, and we have talk and we told each other that we were still in love, but we decided to pray first. He got no answer, and I got a yes. We discussed this and decided to do it again. I got a yes but to wait, he got no answer. Instead he ask my former best friend to be his girlfriend.

This girl is 7 years older than him... he tells me that God told him that it was okay to have a relationship with her. And we do not know what to do... he is very confused. But thanks to this I have been changing tons of things in my life... I have been praying, reading the Bible and depending more on God.

But I am thinking that maybe it wasn't God speaking to me. I mean, I want this so bad, because I am only very happy when I am with him, he is a great guy and if we get back together I want to change things.

But since I want this so bad, I am thinking that my mind tricked me. I really do have faith in God, but the enemy just wants to attack me in any way he can. I have been praying and getting answers, but sometimes I just want to quit praying. When I quit praying, something just brings me to this relationship. God knows that this is the most important thing in my life.

-Janeth


James' Answer: The Most Important Thing

Janeth,

It sounds like this has been a real growing experience for you... that is amazing. Our loving Father knows exactly what lessons each one of us still needs to learn, and makes that learning possible in our lives in such amazing ways. Your story is a testimony to this.

As you are growing closer to God, you are beginning to question the "answers" that you got to your prayers. The Holy Spirit within you is prompting those questions. Here is why...

We are told to pray for what we need... that we don't have what we need sometimes because we are not asking for it.

However, sometimes we ask for things that we think we need (or things we just want) and don't receive them! Why doesn't God give us these things when we ask for them!?

Because we are asking wrongly... for the wrong reasons. When we don't get what we ask for, it is because our heart is in the wrong place. Sometimes our hearts even fabricate "answers" from God to make sense of the situation. That is what you are realizing.

I recommend that you read James chapter 4

Here is a verse that applies to your situation...

"...You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions."

(James 4:2-3, ESV)

When your heart is right with God, you will find true and lasting joy with Him (in close communion with God)... you will not find this with your former boyfriend, or with any human being, for that matter. God has good purposes for our relationships with other humans, but He wants us to find our ultimate fulfillment and lasting joy in relationship with Him and Him alone.

God wants to be "the most important thing" in your life. Until He is, you will continue to be empty and frustrated in your relationships with people.

Don't quit praying!

Blessings,

-James Klotzle