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Managing StressManaging Stress is the second of three phases of a comprehensive plan for dealing with stress in your life.1) First, you should have tried Stress Reduction ...to get rid of as many stressors in your life as possible. 2) This page will cover Stress Management ...the art of orchestrating the remaining stressors in your life. 3) Lastly, we practice Coping with Stress ...to complete the plan and alleviate any symptoms of stress that are left. Stress Management Steps
We only begin managing our stress once we have completed the prerequisite of stress reduction mentioned above.
Even if we have done our homework correctly, we will probably have some stressors left that simply cannot be removed. Learning how to manipulate these remaining stressors... how to bring them under control and make them work for us... is what stress management is all about. Because everyone is in such a unique situation with their own strengths and challenges, the guidance here is designed to meet a wide variety of needs. As always, I offer a free Coaching Consultation because focused, one-on-one mentorship is the best way to approach this process. The process below is a bare skeletal framework for managing stress in your life. Flesh out the framework with your experiences, strengths and unique circumstances. Here are the basic steps for all those "do-it-yourselfers" out there! Update Your List
Take out the list of stressors that you made when you were practicing Stress Reduction.
You should have crossed most of the stressors off of your hit list by now, or have a solid action plan in place for eliminating them. Look back over the stressors that are left. Do you think that any of them can be eliminated without causing undue stress? If so, return to the stress reduction phase and get them out of the way before going further. Make a fresh list of stressors with whatever is left over. These are things that are going to be around for a while (these often end up being people, health or economic issues). Apply the 80/20 Principle
Once again, 20% of the stressors remaining in your life are probably causing 80% of your stress.
Identify which ones these are. A good way to do this is to go down your list of stressors, assigning percentage points to each stressor. Make sure you hit all the stressors. . . if one is off the bottom of the charts (hardly causes any stress at all) feel free to take it off of the list. Usually, people have lots of 2% and 3% stressors along with a few really big ones (20%-50%). Use up all 100 percentage points, but do not go over 100. Let the list sit overnight, and come back to it the next day. Sometimes a fresh glance will let you adjust the list to better reflect reality. Work with the list until you are satisfied that it is an accurate representation of your current life stress. Now look at the stressors with the biggest percentages. Add them up until you get to 80% of your stress, roughly. Those few stressors are where we will start managing stress as soon as possible. It is better to focus on these few, than to chase after all of the little ones. We need to use our time and energy wisely, so that the process of stress management does not become a significant stressor itself! Ask "W W W W"
This is where we decide how to manage each of your top stressors.
It may sound like a lot of work, but it isn't because we narrowed your stressors down to a significant few. Take out a separate sheet of paper for each stressor. Write the stressors across the top of each page like news headlines. It is time to get the scoop on your stress! Stack up the papers in order of importance, with the most significant stressor on top. Roll up your sleeves. . . it's time to dig! Follow this procedure for each of your stressors: Down the left side of the paper, write the words Who, What, When and Where. Leave a few lines between each one, so you can answer the question. While the answers are important, I want you to focus on asking the right questions first. Asking the right questions is central to managing stress. Write the questions out in complete, coherent sentences. Your answers will be quick thoughts, phrases or single trigger-words, but the questions need to be complete. Phrase the questions to meet your particular situation and needs. If any question does not apply to a particular stressor, feel free to skip it or write "N/A" for "Not Applicable". But make sure that it does not apply before skipping! Ask the All-Important How?
The How is all-important because it gives us the practical steps for managing stress.
It may seem as if we have done nothing but collect and analyze data up until now. Where is the management? you ask .... Well, now it is time to start managing stress... -- -- Take a look at all of the information you have collected for your top stressors. What a valuable tool! Now you know your stress inside and out. . . Who the major cause is (person, group, event or thing), What form it takes and what your reaction is, When and Where you need to grapple with it. Look over each of the W questions with this thought in mind: How will I approach this stressor? You have a great picture of the stressor, and should be able to see its weaker points by now. You know whether you can manage it from the time angle, the place angle or the source angle. Decide which angle or approaches you will take to start managing stress. Once you have decided, write out your How statements. These are action statements that describe exactly how you will go about managing stress. Now you have doables. All that remains is for you to actually do them! |
The "W W W W" Questions
Here are the four W questions in a basic form that you can adapt to fit your unique situation:
- When asking Who?, we are asking Who is the major cause of this stressor? If you are causing the stressor yourself, write ME. Or write down whatever individual, group of people or organization that is causing the stressor. Be as objective and rational as possible. Do not let your emotions over the situation carry you into a fit of rage or spiral of despair. The point here is not to place blame, but to get as clear a picture of the situation as you can. Understanding the stressor is a prerequisite for managing stress. - When asking What?, we are asking What form does this stressor take? Does it primarily take a physical, emotional or intellectual toll on us? Another possible question: What is my reaction to the stressor? Does my reaction manifest itself physically, emotionally or rationally? This question gives us a good picture of our interaction with the stressor. It turns the stressor into something we can identify, rather than some mysterious negative force. - When asking When?, we are asking When does this stressor cause me stress? The answer may be any time in the past, if the stressor was an event that is still bothering you. Or the stressor may be present as you sit there. Maybe the stressor is a looming future event. Putting your stressor at a specific place on the timeline makes it real and manageable. - When asking Where?, we are asking Where does this stressor impact me? Is there a geographical nature to the stressor? Does it follow us around everywhere, or is it linked to a certain place? Knowing where a stressor is usually encountered or exacerbated gives us another possible angle for managing it.
Again, this process is a bare skeletal framework for managing stress in your life. The framework is fleshed out by your experiences, personality and unique situation.
I love to walk people through these steps... to make stress management a reality in their lives... to get them on the road to reclaiming their joy and peace. If you think that some focused, one-on-one stress coaching might be beneficial to you, please take advantage of my free Coaching Consultation! |
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