Can a long distance love last after two Christian people meet one another and feel God leading them towards marriage? The success of a Christian romance - whether it's a long distance relationship or not - depends on the two of you and how you follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. We Christians are new creatures who have a whole new set of motivations and standards as children of God. Our
romance stories are meant to be imperfect images of the romance between Jesus Christ and his bride, the church.
Would you call Christ's relationship with the church a long distance love relationship? Some would say so. But just like Christ has left us with many ways to know Him and keep in touch with Him, Christian romances can grow and become healthy and vibrant across long distances.
Gianni and Sophie's Story
My long distance love began when I met Sophie on a Christian dating site. Both of our previous marriages had ended just like the majority of other marriages in America. (This is an unfortunate reality... so many of us don't know what we are getting ourselves into.) I was honestly looking for a true love relationship with someone. I was hoping to meet a compatible Christian woman.
Sophie was just trying to get dates with local Christian men for a nice dinner out. She no longer believed in finding true love. I lived in Pennsylvania, she lived three hours away in New Jersey. I thought she was cute and I liked her "short but sweet" profile. I had sent her a note of interest. For some reason - she doesn't know why - she actually looked at my profile without deleting me even though I was definitely not within ten miles of her house.
If you ever heard of the movie, "Must Love Dogs", that is what got me in the doorway of Sophie's heart, I think. In my profile, I had written that I don't plan on living without dogs and cats in my life.
I'm not saying that you need to put "animal lover" in your online profile to hook a woman or man, especially if it's not true... but something as simple as that is what sparked my long distance love with the most wonderful, loving, sweet, understanding, accepting woman in the world.
I found her online on the Christian Dating site right after I found her email expressing an interest in communicating further. We had a two hour online chat and forged an instant connection. A Christian romance was conceived that day. It was birthed into a Christian marriage 13 1/2 months later. And guess what! We still live three hours away from each other.
So how do we do it? Love! We are crazy about each other. We connected instantly, continually recognized our compatible character, personality, likes, and dislikes, and it naturally evolved into deeper passionate feelings that led to a fantastic Christian marriage. But we were also very concerned about keeping what we had.
Setting Standards
Even before we met in person, even before we had exchanged "I love you's", we had already started developing standards for a healthy relationship.
We seemed to agree with everything we talked about, so our first rule to preserve our long distance love (even before we knew we loved each other) would be that we "agree to disagree". We had a lot of fun joking about how we always agreed and we did not want to ruin it just because we might disagree about something.
We continued to add on to our private rule book because, if this friendship was to turn into a Christian romance, we did not want it to erode as a result of either one of us saying or doing the wrong things to hurt each other or our growing relationship. (I knew how my previous marriage had gradually eroded - partially because of incompatibilities to start with - but also because of bad communication and "not thinking" before we acted.)
Our long distance love transformed into a long distance marriage soon afterward. We had already developed a list of seventeen different standards that we have been determined to live by in our relationship. So that is not a bad idea for any couple who wants to succeed in their life-time commitment to each other.
Draft your own Ten Commandments (17 in our case) that you are both committed to for the sake of preserving your relationship, whether it's long distance or not. But I believe that having those standards helps us to deal better with our long distance relationship also. We are committed to honesty, acceptance, respect, compromise, encouragement, prayer, open communication, physical affection (when together of course), patience, forgiveness, and living by biblical standards of love as well.
Communication
People in a normal love relationship must communicate with each other, but couples in a long distance love relationship
rely on it for
survival. Sophie and I are in constant communication throughout the week when we are apart, mostly by cell phone numerous times a day. But we also still send text messages, emails and have occasional online chats.
If you use your time away from each other as an excuse for freedom, and you fail to keep in touch with your loved one, someone is going to get hurt. If you are in a long distance relationship, your fiance, husband or wife neeeeeds that constant assurance of love. He or she needs to hear your voice, especially that sweet, tender, accepting sound.
Do not get used to each other. Always speak to each other with that voice that says, "I am crazy about you and I always will be".
Sophie and I are with each other every weekend, and we keep our long distance love alive by making the best of our time together. Ever since our first date (yes, our first date where we met midway between PA and NJ), we have gone to church together. Sharing our faith and worship experience is so important in a Christian relationship.
Having spiritual compatibility was the most important thing for me, and Sophie was really touched when I asked her if she would go to church with me on the Sunday morning that we met in person for the very first time. We took a drive, found a random church, and shared our first worship experience together before going on to an amusement park. We now attend one church in NJ and another one in PA.
Time Together
We are also very physically expressive when we are together. We hold hands or walk with arms around each other everywhere we go. We sit next each other where ever we are, at home or even at restaurants. We cuddle watching movies or just relaxing together with Sophie's head in my chest or lap. And we could probably get an award for the most times kissed in a 48 hour period. We have pet names for each other. That is another great idea for anyone to keep flare in your long distance love relationship.
More than anything in your long distance love relationship, just enjoy being together during those wonderful days or hours that you have. It does not matter whether you are laying around the house, taking a walk, visiting family, or going on a roller coaster together. Just looking into each other's eyes and having his or her touch nearby is all that really matters when you are in love. And whether it is over the telephone, through email or with smoke signals, tell each other all the time: "I Love You"!
This will set a good pattern for the amazing parts of your life that you can spend together.
