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Effective Communication SkillsEffective communication skills are useful in every area of life...I am communicating with you right now. You were communicating with your colleagues last week. Next time you try to sit down to a relaxing supper, you may have some unwelcome telephone communication with a political campaign representative! Communication situations are as unique as the people involved. No rote list of skills will encompass every incident that you will confront in your lifetime. The effective communication skills listed below, however, were gleaned from years of communications experience, and apply to a wide range of situations. Know your AudienceWith whom are you communicating?Giving a presentation at work? Calling your daughter's piano teacher? Catching up on your spouse's day? Each person with whom you communicate qualifies as a different audience. Communication implies connection. We have to connect with our audience, and that means we have to know our audience. You can see it in stand-up comics. If you've ever seen a bad comedy routine, it probably was not just the quality of the jokes that flopped... most stand-up is pretty predictable. It is more likely that the comedian did not get to know the audience. (Including you!) Good comedians, on the other hand, have more effective communication skills. They take some time to "feel their audience out". They "test the waters" and stick with the jokes and attitude that their audience appreciates. Any good communicator learns to do the same thing. Whether it's your spouse of 23 years or a brand-new business associate, you've got to know who they are before you can really connect. Often, this just takes a little thought. Here are some questions to ask yourself before, during and after any communication... (sometimes you can ask the audience, if you do it carefully). What does my audience want from me in their best-case scenario? How did my audience react to my communication in the past? What is likely to irritate my audience? What is likely to humor my audience? Is my communication a high or low priority to my audience? These questions can often be answered on your own, during a conversation or before sending an e-mail. The answers to these questions will provide valuable information to multiply your effective communication skills. Speak to your AudienceWhat combination and degree of formal, informal, technical and intimate communication should we use?Once you know your audience, it is easier to assemble an effective message. I recently witnessed a church leader who spoke to his very traditional congregation by coming down off the pulpit, walking among them, and looking people in the eye. Although this may not be appropriate in all situations, the principle of breaking through barriers to connect or speak with the audience always applies; it's one of the most effective communication skills. People will receive your message better when they are relaxed. Use your knowledge of the audience to stay away from hot-buttons (unless your goal is to get them all riled up!) To keep people relaxed or calm them down, stay relaxed yourself. Part of connecting with your audience is managing the energy that flows between the two of you. Do you want to communicate excitement? Do you want to communicate tension? You speak to your audience through the energy that you give off. If your energy is nervous or stressful, their guard will go up, to some extent. If it is confident and calming, your audience will probably be more receptive to the message. The person who is more conscious of how she is feeling will be in a better position to guide her own energy. The person who can control her own energy has a voice to speak and is more likely to direct the course of communication. Get your Audience InvolvedThis principle applies whether your audience is one friend in a coffee shop, or 17 pushy neighbors at a homeowner's association meeting.How do we get the audience involved? Ask questions. Show interest in their answers. Build rapport. Engage the audience in conversation. You can command attention through self-confidence. Mix that self confidence with respect for your audience, and you will get people involved. A large part of this involvement is demonstrating that your audience has your attention. If you are speaking to a crowd and someone raises their hand, acknowledge them somehow, even if it's just with a kind gesture, if you cannot halt your presentation immediately. If you are talking with a close friend when the kids come rumbling through the house, excuse yourself politely, attend to your parental duties, and then bring your full attention back to the conversation. If an audience senses that you are ignoring them, you will lose their attention. If your friend feels that your attention is split, she will feel less able to share her heart. Expand your effective communication skills: Get your audience involved by staying involved yourself. Pick up FeedbackIf you are building effective communication skills, learn to give good feedback and to receive it as well.Giving good feedback is important: If you don't tell a friend how your feelings were hurt, they won't know how to avoid doing so the next time. If you don't comment at the end of a confusing presentation, you will probably get more confused the next time around. Respond in the course of conversation. If you need clarification, ask for it. This is not an embarrassment in most cases... It actually honors the other person... It shows that you are paying attention and care about what they have to communicate. Being a good receiver of feedback is also important: Pay attention to how the other person is responding to you. Note their body language and facial expression. Listen when they answer your questions; don't just think about what you are going to say next. Hear what they are not communicating, as well as what they are telling you. Part of receiving feedback is asking for it: If you don't clarify your customer's expectations, you may deliver the wrong product. You may need to ask for your spouse's feelings during a conversation... don't just expect them spill their guts every time you talk. If you are a spiritual leader, talk with your people about the message and find out how you are coming across. Delivery vs. MessageIt is good to know the difference between your message and your method of delivering that message.Your message is what you are trying to get across to the other person: Thanks for the birthday gift... The bridge is OUT... Meet me for coffee at six o'clock?... Have that report on my desk by tomorrow morning.... The delivery is how you are sending the message: A thank-you note... A big sign with flashing lights... A voicemail message... A sternly spoken word.... These extreme examples illustrate an important point: the delivery must match the message. We don't use a flashing sign to say "thanks" for a thoughtful gift! The same applies in more subtle situations. Knowing your audience helps, but you must be able to match your delivery to your audience. If you are communicating through the written word, have someone else proofread your work before sending it off. (hm.. I had better have someone look at this webpage before publishing it!) If you are going to speak in front of a crowd, practice by talking to people with the same mindset and expectations as your audience. If you are going to resolve a conflict with someone, pick a neutral meeting place and choose your words carefully to avoid exacerbating the situation. Now go out and PRACTICE those effective communication skills! |
For further reading, I recommend these excellent books...
- Messages: The Communication Skills Book 
- In The SpotLight, Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking and Performing 
- People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts 
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