Confused

by Jen
(Little Rock)

I am dating a Christian guy and I am also Christian. We have been dating for 2 years, have an awesome relationship, and we both live under the Lord's standards. We are planning to get married, and I love him, but the problem is that I am attracted to handsome guys, but I do not want to mess up our blessed relationship.

Is it normal to love someone and feel attraction to others?

-Jen


James' Answer: Staying Pure

Jen,

What you're feeling is completely normal... God made us to be attracted to the opposite sex for a reason! If we weren't, humans would all die out in a generation or two :)

We cannot really change the fact that some people catch our eye. We would have to go through life with goggles on, or stay shut up in our own home. What we can change, is the second glance!

The second glance is what drags us down spiritually every time. Think of it this way... we all have inappropriate thoughts (even scary/gross thoughts) from time to time. These thoughts fly over our heads and try to nest there, but we shoo them away and go on with life. If we allow those thoughts to land, make nests and peck at our brains for a while, though... we are in real trouble.

In a similar way, your noticing that someone is attractive is just a normal part of living. What you do from there, however, depends on the depth and strength of your relationship with God and your relationship with your spouse. When your head turns for the second glance, watch out. The Bible says that our actions betray the content of our hearts.

Another way to think about this... Your (future) spouse is the most attractive, beautiful person in the world to you. That is because he has pledged his life to you, and you have devoted yours to him. There is nothing more beautiful or attractive than that. Marriage is meant to be a portrait of Christ's love for the church (His bride). This spiritual perspective is not beyond your grasp. It is not just a thing for monks and nuns to understand... This is for all of us. The Apostle Paul says again and again that we are to live spiritually, not "carnally." So if we get wrapped up in physical attraction, it shows that we have some work to do in our spiritual lives and relationship with God.

A couple of Biblical teaching to wrap up...

Christ said that we are commanded by the law not to commit adultery... but then He said that if we look upon somone to lust after them (the second glance) we have already committed adultery in our hearts.

We are given power to overcome. Remember the scriptures... "Submit to God, resist the devil, and he will flee from you." also, look for the "way of escape" that God always provides when we encounter temptations.

Blessings on your marriage and life together... I know that God will give you joy and the grace to overcome as you seek Him daily!

Here are a couple of books that I recommend...

Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul

Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ's Control

Hope this is helpful,

-James