Concerned and confused

by Danae
(Detroit Michigan, USA)

I have been with my boyfriend for one and a half years. We have a son together and just recently I found out he was doing some really bad drugs.

I left him, an it has been a month and a half since I've seen him because I left the state. I've been talking to him an we decided we would like to work on the relationship and his problem.

Since I've been away, I've been turning to church and the Bible. Now as a Christian should I return to this situation and give him a chance to be in our lives or should I forgive and forget about this relationship?

-Danae

James' response: Sober Living

There are a lot of people in similar situations, so thanks for your question Danae,

Substance abuse and dependence are tricky topics, because they change the people and families involved so much. You made an important decision to leave and protect yourself and your child.

If your boyfriend is ready to make some big life commitments, then maybe you can give him a chance. However, make sure he can prove two things to you before you even consider returning to him.

1) That he is committed to sober living. This means successfully completing treatment and living completely sober for a good chunk of time.

Usually people who are trying to stop abusing substances will relapse several times before successful recovery. There is always the danger of relapse even years into the future. Know that it probably will happen eventually, and have a plan for how you will handle it.

2) That he is committed to you and your child. Set your own standards for his behavior in this area. Before even considering going back to him, communicate these standards clearly and give him time to prove himself capable of living up to them. If he is not, you may want to reconsider having a relationship with him at all.

Remember that you are under new standards yourself now, as a child of God. Don't do anything to compromise your own standards. Make sure that your child is growing up in an environment where those standards are expected and respected.

I know that you will make a wise decision Danae... God has placed His discerning Spirit within you.

Blessings,

-James