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Long Distance Christian Romance

Keeping it healthy, happy and godly!

Does Christian romance work long-distance? I would argue that it does. In fact, I would say that Christian romance is very effective long distance! Before we get into the relationship advice, let me tell you my story of long-distance romance...

When I met my wife, we lived 1,921 miles apart! She was visiting her cousin, who was the wife of one of the ministers at my church. For both of us, it was love at first sight. (Really, it was love at first conversation... "first sight" just sounds more romantic!)

Although neither of us admitted it at the time, we were very attracted to one another. Over the next couple of years, my home town (conveniently located in a warm sunny climate) became a regular vacation destination for the mysterious and lovely woman from far away. I even found excuses to visit some friends who lived in her city a few times! We gradually got to know one another, but our Christian romance did not blossom into existence until two and a half years after our first encounter.

Both of us were holding back during those two and a half years. We did not really believe that a long distance Christian romance could work! One day I was stuck in traffic and daydreaming about this mysterious and lovely woman. I wondered if she ever thought about me. I wondered if she would ever be interested in me. Could she ever love me? Finally, I decided to find out.

I did not want there to be any doubt. I wanted my intentions to be clear. So... I asked her to marry me!

Yes, from 1,921 miles (3,091 K) away! It did not take her long to decide... she said "Yes!" right away! Believe me, I was the happiest man on planet Earth that day. From that amazing beginning, we set off on a challenging journey... carrying on a long-distance Christian romance.

Not all Christian romances begin like ours... each one is unique, special and powerful to the people involved. Have fun discovering what your own story will be!

Christian Romance: Keeping it Healthy

In order to keep Christian romance alive over a long distance, you need to stay in regular contact. With technology these days, it is getting easier all the time to stay in touch. Social networking sites, email, instant messaging, video messaging, cell phones, voice mail, "texting" ...these are all potential tools for maintaining a relationship. Remember, though, that these are only tools. Tools are only as effective as the people using them! Any long distance relationship advice should include the proper use of these powerful tools...

Email - This is a great tool, because you don't need to be at your computer at the same time as your long-distance true love. You can send a message and pour your heart out right when the words come to you, even if your true love is sleeping or working or skydiving at the moment! If there is a scripture verse or a wise saying that has meant a lot to you recently, you can copy and paste it or just type it into an email. One incredibly romantic thing to do is to type out a prayer for your true love. This tells them... "I am thinking about you, I care for you and I pray for you."

Email is powerful and useful, but like any powerful tool, you need to use it carefully! Significant things that impact your relationship should be saved for in-person encounters (or at least telephone conversations). If you need to share hard news with someone, offer some criticism or make a significant request... do not use email. This is because email, like most long-distance communication, is unable to let you hear your true love's tone of voice or to see his or her body language. And, your true love cannot see or hear yours. At least wait until you can talk on the phone so that they can here the love, respect and sincerity in your voice. Video chat is another good alternative when discussing something heavy.

Social Networking Sites - These are a great resource that helps you stay connected with what is going on in your true love's life! Staying connected is vital to Christian romance. Just remember to keep your intimate and personal conversations away from the public eye. Do not offer criticism over a networking site where others can see it... that is disrespectful.

When you are committed to one another, it is okay for other people to know that you love each other... do not be afraid to say it in public! However, being too mushy in public turns people off. A good rule... do not say anything to your true love in a public website that would embarrass you or others in person! Stick with private messages in those cases.

Instant Messaging - Every long-distance Christian romance has its own preferred way of communicating. Some people enjoy instant messages because they are a quick way to get feedback and to have a romantic conversation.

There are a couple of disadvantages... 1) you need to be online at the same time as your truelove... 2) you cannot hear your truelove's voice or see any body language. However, it can be a powerfully romantic way to have a quick connection over a long distance. Remember to use emoticons like the smiley face :) and X's and O's when appropriate! If you know the references to Bible verses that are special to your true love, you can send those over instant message instead of writing out the entire verse.

Telephones - Whether calling just to say "I love you" or to have a three-hour chat, telephones are amazing tools for long distance love. Leave special voicemails for your true love. You can send texts any time just to let them know that they are on your mind. Just remember to save serious communication for times when you can both have a conversation.

Texting can get "out of hand" when you cannot sense your true love's tone of voice or emotional state! If your true love misunderstands the intention of one of your texts, just reply "Call me when you can, I love you!" This avoids further misunderstanding and promotes the clear communication you will need to make your relationship last.

Keeping Christian Romance Godly

As Christians, we are held to high standards of conduct. I could get into a long list of "thou shalt" and "thou shalt not's" here, but I won't. Just remember that our relationships are supposed to glorify God in every way. We can make sure that we do glorify God by examining our own actions and comparing them to the guidance that we find in scripture.

Especially if you are not yet married to your true love, it is important to have an agreement to keep your relationship pure and pleasing to God. Find someone who you can respect and look up to spiritually. Ask them to provide accountability for the purity of your romantic relationship. This should be someone that you consider to be more experienced and spiritually mature.

What if you have married your true love, and you have to keep your Christian romance alive long distance for some reason? You can do it! It is important to be open with your spouse about the challenges and temptations that you face when you are away from them. Check in with your spouse daily to reaffirm your love and devotion.

Trust is a valuable thing in any relationship, so do not break your spouse or fiance's trust. It can take a lifetime to rebuild! If you can stay far away from anything that would cause your spouse to doubt your faithfulness, then this should not be a problem.

Remember that the same healthy relationship principles apply to Christian romance whether you see one another every day or only once in a long while. Relationships take daily maintenance, but when you take care of them, the rewards are extraordinary!

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